i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Randomize
