My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
