I love black thongs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
