just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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