Have you finally orgasmed yet?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I want her autograph on my taint
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
