i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
