whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
