My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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