somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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