I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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