I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
