3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
