so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
