so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
