after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
