I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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