nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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