Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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