She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
