just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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