Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
