I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
