my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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