Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
