so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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