I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
