She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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