When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
