I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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