The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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