I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
