Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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