I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
