I look better un-naked...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
