you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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