So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
