I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I FOUND THE LEGS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
