Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
