your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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