By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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