If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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