i was born a porn star she said
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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