Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
