dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
