Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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