you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
