3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
