i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
