You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
