I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
