she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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