we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
